A Story that Shaped You

I read something interesting just before Christmas, which talked about your “Three Stories”, so I had the idea I would write my three stories and examine them. However, writing through them, I realised three stories were too much for one article. So, I decided to just go with the first story in this week's article, and I may revisit the others in future newsletters.

Adrenaline

I was bouncing up and down on my toes with my fists balled, adrenaline pumping, looking down at the big guy in a fetal position on the ground, holding his stomach and wheezing. I was barely aware of what I was saying; in my anger, I was telling him to get up so I could hit him again.

That was the moment when our instructor, Pete, came over with a quizzical, maybe slightly astonished look on his face. Perhaps bemused was a more appropriate description. I was 16, small for my age, just over 5 feet tall and weighed about 60kg. Guy, groaning on the floor, was over 6 feet tall and weighed around 120kg.

Pete was our instructor at the Marist Kyokushin Karate Club. It was near the end of a two-hour Wednesday night class, and most of the class was free fighting; Pete was moving amongst the fighting pairs, keeping an eye on things when I had dropped Guy.

It wasn’t only the size difference that had Pete bemused. I was not an aggressive kid, and I had not been training for long. I was wearing a white belt. Guy was wearing a blue belt.

When I was paired up with Guy for light sparring, I wasn’t too worried. But then, every time he hit me, it was a solid thump in the chest that sent me stepping back a couple of paces. Nothing I did to him seemed to make any impact. The blows to the chest were starting to hurt.

I continued to retreat around the Dojo with Guy stomping after me, landing blow after blow like a metronome onto my chest. Boom, step, Boom, step, Boom. I felt my anger rising. Every heavy fist landed with a resounding thud, making me step back.

I didn’t seem to be able to do anything, so I thought of it like a video game. I timed his steps forward, skipped back as he stepped and punched, and then I bounced forward with a Shita Tsuki punch to his solar plexus, dropping him.

I was as surprised as he was as he dropped. But I had so much adrenaline at this point that I just wanted him to get up so I could hit him again.

Senpai Pete ordered me to sit by the wall while Guy was seen to. I was soon summoned back to my feet, bowed to Guy, and we continued sparring. Again, he stomped forward and pounded me, and my anger quickly rose once more.

Then, between pants and blows, Guy said in an aggrieved tone, “You didn’t have to hit me that hard. It is only light sparring.”

I was at first astonished, then felt suddenly deflated, and my anger ebbed immediately as I realised he had no idea how hard he was hitting me.

The realisation that it was ignorance and not malicious intent made all the difference.

The Lesson

It is a lesson I have carried with me ever since: never to assume malicious intent in what might just be ignorance.

In fact, coincidentally, there is a similar saying dubbed Hanlon’s Razor which states: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. I came across Hanlon’s Razor 40 years after my experience with Guy that day in the Dojo.

That realisation at that time, early in my life, had a much more profound impact on my view of life than I might have ever imagined.

I tempered my reactions to the things that others did and immediately questioned whether I was misconstruing the reason for their actions. Over the years, this has saved me from making a fool of myself many times and has kept relationships on an even keel where they might otherwise have been damaged.

What is Your Story?

Do you have a story that you can share which gives your audience an insight into who you are and what makes you tick? Often, this is not an obvious thing. I had not considered the above story until I brought it up in a podcast episode after I learned of Hanlon’s Razor, and I told this story for the first time that I can remember.

The story must be interesting in and of itself, including curiosity, conflict and some suspense. But the real value is in bringing out the point of the story and what it ultimately means to you.

Unpacking Wisdom is a weekly section where I dive into a famous (or not so famous) quote and explore how this can apply to the Compelling Communicator.

I chose this quote because I find it very pertinent at this time of year. One of my failings is that I tend to consider the things I am lacking more than being grateful for the things I have. At the beginning of a new year, it is easy to think of all the things I didn’t get done in the previous year and focus on all the things I want to make happen in the new year.

The power of this quote is the profound knowledge that everything is a cycle or a habit. And if I am not content with what I have now, I will repeat that with whatever I have in the future. So, the focus should not be on getting more of what I don’t have but on placing more value on the things I do have.

I can’t say I have any great plan for making this happen, but just writing about it will help me to keep it in my mind.

What I am up to this week…

Professionally:

Back to work after a couple of weeks off. I hope you had a great New Year's break.

Recreationally:

Actually, it will be good to catch up with some of the other contractors I work with who I haven’t spoken with for a few weeks.

What I am reading:

In the break, I read Stephen Pressfield’s Turning Pro. I also started reading back through Mark Dawson’s John Milton series of fiction books.

What I am watching:

I am going to go back to watch The Righteous Gemstones series as well as season two of Welcome to Wrexham